Ground Rules for Vacationing with Friends

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Taking a vacation with friends can be fun—or not. Time together is all fun and games until squabbles over costs come into the vacation and memories. It’t hard for some people to talk about money, but it’s often harder to repair friendship over money issues that arise while traveling.

Before you go:

Discuss where you’ll go, who is going, and when. If you want to go to Italy in the Summer, and they want to go to  Ireland in the Fall, make sure no one feels “You always get your way.” If there’s a since of that from the start, suggest another trip, another time, but let it be known you’re going to Italy in the Summer—and you’re going to have a wonderful time!

If everyone decides to move forward from there, begin to put your plans in writing. Everyone going on the trip can get together and share ideas of what their ideal vacation looks like. Are you a four-star hotel type? Or do you like hosteling? If you earn points from hotel stays, and your friend earns them with a different hotel, what do you do? What if you have different frequent flyer airlines? These are the things that need to come up early in the planning stage. Maybe you’re both okay with not earning miles, and grabbing the least expensive flight, but if one of the two of you has enough miles for a trip on an expensive airline, you may not be traveling together.

What’s your vacation budget? Know it before you leave home and stick to it. Talk this stuff through with your friend. If you’re with someone who wants to experience high end restaurants but you plan to buy food from the local grocery shop, eat from food stands, or patronize the local mom and pop restaurant— You’ll want to have that discussion before the trip. Maybe you agree to one expensive night on the town. Get an idea of that means. I had an experience in Lapland, Sweden. A puny scoop of ice cream, a tiny piece of brie cheese, and a small vodka came to $75.00. Are you both on the same budget? Even if you are, it may not impact you the same. Maybe you say to your friend, “If you want to go to that restaurant, are you willing to without me, even if that means going alone?” Or have some days and evenings where you each do your own thing.

Once you have an idea of what the trip looks like, put it in writing. Include (researched) estimates of costs, timelines and budgets. If you can, either each pay for your airfare separately, and each send in half of the accommodations on your own—or try to have only a few bills and split all of them in half. (I don’t like to do this at restaurants, because my bill is usually much lower than others’.) If you’re eating meals at the beach house rental, equally pitch in for food, or totally do it separately. If they drink wine and you don’t, that’s not on your bill. If you insist on drinking soy milk and they can get by with less expensive cow’s milk, it sounds like a menu review may be needed before you get too far.

It’s really important to know your travel partner is saving for the vacation. If you save money and book your trip, and they don’t save, and decide they have to back out, you may find yourself in hot water (and I don’t mean at a spa in Hawaii.) I’ve had this happen to me twice. Once, there was a double occupancy requirement. My friend who hadn’t saved and backed out did pay the difference for me to go alone. Nothing was going to stop me from my trip.

Traveling together is a lesson in budgeting, communication, compromise and friendship. Go! Have fun!

Teachable Money Moments with Your Child

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Chances are, you weren’t taught about money. If that’s the case, hopefully you’re changing that pattern with your kids. No matter how old they are—even if they are at college, or raising kids of their own, it’s not too late to teach them. This of course, comes only if they’re willing to hear you out. There are ways to take advantage of teachable moments. If they’re not willing to listen, back off—but then don’t give in to kiddie tantrums or phone calls for money. I recently read that baby-boomers are far worse off than their parents when it comes to knowing how to save money. Their parents may not have had as much, but they knew how to save—and did. Begin now to teach your kids and your grandkids easy ways that add up.

One teachable moment can be offering choices. “The two things you want are out of your budget. You can get this toy for $1 today, or save and get that toy for $5 another day. For older kids, you can give them an allotted amount for clothing and tell them “This if what I’ll put toward your shoes. If you want the more expensive ones, you need to make up the difference.” If you send your teen to the grocery store for an errand, give them guidance. Send them off with a coupon for what you want, give a price range, “Get bananas if they’re less than .50 lb”, or give them directions to buy what’s on sale, “If bananas are more than .50 lb, see what’s on sale. Check the prices on strawberries.” If they have a cell phone, you can always ask them to call you from the store if they have questions. If retired husbands can do this, so can kids. For the child who moves back home and still spends money. Have them pay rent to you for the purpose of you putting the money in a special account to be given to them when they’re back on their feet, and have enough money put aside to move out.

You get more bees with honey. Praise your kids for things done right. If you can, do this in front of someone else. This includes good behavior and wise money choices. A phrase like “You’ll be so proud of  Joey for how well he handled his $1.00 at the store today” is a better reinforcement than, “You’ll never guess who behaved at the store today!” Make sure your praise is genuine and not sarcasm, or a left-handed compliment.

Eat before you go shopping. I remember as a kid and into my teens going shopping with my mom. If it was around lunchtime, we’d always eat at home before heading out. Two reasons: To save money. To keep blood sugars and therefore emotions in tact. As I got older, I’d insist I wasn’t hungry, and that I’d be fine. We’d pull into a parking lot and sure enough, I was hungry! I wasn’t interested in eating out, I just had a high metabolism, and if I hadn’t recently eaten, hunger pangs and crankiness set in. Like magic, my mom would pull a cut apple or some other form of portable sustenance from her purse. As an adult, I know I can go from not hungry to head-spinning hunger. If I’m headed out the door, I’ll bring food with me. A banana, a cut apple, some crackers, cuties or a sandwich for mid-trip. If you tire of a cranky child, try staying a jump ahead, offer a snack at home or in the car on the way to your errands.

Everyone will be better off.

People Who Feel Poor Take More Risks

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Meir Statman is a finance professor at Santa clara University. According to Money magazine, he’s one of the most influential experts in behavioral finance (how your emotions and beliefs affect your decisions about money.) Statman thinks America needs to move from the polite nudge of encouraging people to save for retirement, to perhaps a push, and maybe even a shove.

Statman states, “People who save end up supporting non-savers.”

I’ve seen it. The parent who saved all their life, and their kids who are in constant need of support. Finally, the kid moves in with the parent. The agreement is for the adult child to put aside money, to build a nest egg while the parent helps them out. That’s not always how it goes. The adult child gets new clothes, travels, and spends time with their buddies doing activities that cost money. The parent has lost the deal, and most likely, the adult child has little money saved, even with their bills being paid.

People who are savers will save with a push. Just a nudge will do. They get the concept of needing money to function in this money-barter system we as humanity have agreed upon. More than half of the population, however, seems to be in crisis mode. They have no plan. They go for instant gratification rather than saving for something, especially retirement, which seems so far off, and so vague. What does “retirement” mean? For some it’s only about big vacations, or living a long time. And people will justify their lack of saving with, “I don’t travel.” “I won’t live forever.” “I’ll re-marry rich.” Oh, really? And then they meet the person they want to spend the rest of their live with. That person has saved money (for one), likes to travel, plans to live into old age, and isn’t rich (by the non-saver’s standard.)

Here’s what Statman proposes: Set a low minimum (8%) for a mandatory savings plan off one’s income. Other countries such as Israel and Australia set 15%. This would be on top of social security. People scream foul. They say it’s paternalistic. But, if they’re not saving, they’re relaying on others to carry them. By having a mandatory savings program, people are prevented from temptation now, to have it later.

Let’s say someone is honestly, super tight on money. Don’t start at 8%, but start somewhere! So many people say they can’t. It’s not the guy who socks away $10,0000 every couple years who comes out ahead. It’s the guy who consistently socks away $50. or $200. a week.

Statman says, “When people are feeling poor, they are willing to take more risks. You can have two people each earning $100,000 a year: One of them says, “This is plenty.” The other feels behind. That one is more willing to risk losses in the hopes of reaching his or her aspirations.”

Meir Statman’s 2011 book is: What Investors Really Want

For the Next Thirty Days

When I tell people I don’t have a television, I’ll get comments like, “You must get a lot done.” Or I’ll get looks like, What rock do you live under? I’ve been offered at least one television a year for eight years.

I’m not advocating everyone giving up their television. (Having one per house, and not in the bedroom, maybe.) I am encouraging people to look at what they do with their time, and think of what they’d do if they had more time. What have you thought of giving up? (Gossip, swearing, smoking, sugar, fat, negative thinking. . .) What do you want to do? (Yoga, sing, read, water color paint, cook. . .) Don’t have time to cook a healthy, tasty dinner? Get the family involved in the activity. Husbands can shop. Teens can chop onions. Families can talk during dinner (oh, aren’t we glad we gave the television away!)

Here’s a six minute video about trying something new for 30 days. By the way, it takes 27 days for something to become a habit. Once a habit is formed, you’ll miss it if you break the pattern.

Separation has a “rat” in it

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We are one with our Creator and there’s no way we can be separate. We are magnificence in manifestation. Think of your eyes blinking. heart beating, blood circulating, and the breaths you breathe —all while you sleep. And then you dare to think your Creator is separate from you! The Universe only says, “Yes!” If we have a belief that we’re separate from God, we’ll experience the appearance of separation; however, we can never be separate. It’s like closing your our eyes in a lighted room. We have the experience of darkness, but when we open our eyes, we experience the Light.

We can experience separation because we experience what we perceive to be true, but our perception is fact—and facts change. Truth never changes. We live our lives as though there were separation. “I and the father are of one accord.” (John 10:30).

Everything takes place within. It’s not from our outer world. All form follows thought. God is always giving us feedback via our body, our environment and our mind. I’m the thinker thinking thoughts. While the created is not the Creator, it is part of it. God works in, around, through and for us. If you want to know your thoughts of yesterday, look at your life today. In a nutshell, New Thought teaches “Change your thinking, change your life.” There is One Power of Good, and we can use It. (It can also use us.) When we say, “I’m going to do ______” we’re really saying, God is doing _______ through me.

Love someone when they’re at 2 + 2 = 5 in their life while knowing them as 2 + 2 = 4 (aligned with the Truth, whole perfect and complete). And if you’re feeling separate from God, take notice the the word “separation” has a rat in it! It’s not your Truth.

Dinner on a Budget

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Dinner on a budget, fighting inflation, making money go further at the grocery store. Call it whatever you want. Here are some tips for healthy eating and saving money.

We only need three ounces of protein a meal, and it doesn’t need to come completely from meat. By cutting down on meat intake, you’ll save money, and depending on how much meat you’ve been piling on your plate, you may be doing your body a world of good. Have a small portion of meat and a high-protein side dish, such as beans, lentils or grains.

Check your cupboards and refrigerator. I have a fit if I have to toss food. Often, I’ll turn one meal into another meal to use up what I have. I may have roasted vegetables one night with leftovers. The next night, I may have soup with the leftover roasted vegetables in it, Or add cheese and pasta sauce to the vegetables. Use ingredients before they expire. Get creative without going to the store. Maybe you’ll find a can of diced tomatoes, a can or bag of frozen corn, and a can or bag of frozen green beans. By adding rice or pasta, spices and some meat, you’ve got a meal you can make in one pan. Or, add chicken broth and you’ve got soup. For great soup, you could use the bones from a rotisserie chicken and use up “tired” vegetables from the refrigerator. (Celery tops, onion chunks, carrots, parsley—whatever you have.) Add enough water to cover the bones and cook for an hour or so. Take out the bones and vegetables and add new/good vegetables to the broth.

I used to buy black and Northern beans in cans. I didn’t know how to use the ones from the bag, and didn’t want to have to plan ahead so far to soak them for hours before cooking. I have a 94 year old neighbor who was upset with me when I told her I never “made” beans before. She brought me a bowl of Northern beans and spaghetti (no sauce) and told me the beans were from a bag, and she cooked them for one and a half hours (no soaking.) I thought they’d be hard and tough. They were delicious. The beans were far better than the caned ones, and I’ve learned they last longer in the refrigerator than canned ones. Stored the un-used cooked beans in a jar with some of the water they cooked in covering them. You’ll be happy how easy and inexpensive beans form a bag are to prepare.

Take advantage of the grocery store sales. If you’re low on something, but not out of it, consider buying it before you run out, when you may have to pay full price. You may need to cook up the sale meat that day, or freeze it, but if it’s something you’ll eat anyway, it’s savings.

Buy oatmeal in the drum rather than the packages. Or, if you’re okay buying from bulk bins, scoop up savings that way.

Buy smaller amounts to keep things fresh. I love what Nabisco has done with the Original Saltine crackers. Fresh Stacks are packed in smaller portions, so they don’t go stale. Rather than having four long packs of crackers, this box has six packs. I think you get two ounces less of crackers and pay about fifty cents more. It’s a bit more expensive—or is it? None of my saltines go stale anymore.

The Average Cost of the Prom

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A new Visa survey says this year’s prom will on average cost $1,139.

WHAT?!

The survey didn’t break the spending down, but it includes dresses, tuxes, shoes, prom tickets, limousines, hotel or after dance events, corsages, jewelry, hair, makeup and extras.

In the last two years, prom cost has gone up 40 percent. As usual with this type of event it’s the lower income households that are being hit the hardest, and unfortunately, they are spending more money on the prom than those who can more easily afford to. According to the Visa survey, families with income less than $50,000 are planning to spend $100 more than the national average on prom. Single parents are spending double the amount of married parents ($1,563 versus $770.)

Of everything I’ve read and heard on this subject, Nat Sillin, Visa’s head of financial literacy, put it best. “It’s [the prom] become a social arms race. It’s an opportunity for parents to engage their teens and have a conversation about budgeting.”

I applaud Sillin’s comment, and am amazed to read and hear parents saying, “I never thought I’d have to spend so much” and “How am I going to afford all of this?” You do not have to spend so much. A choice is being made. You’re supporting your child in their financial illiteracy by spending their college money, or whatever else spending $1,100 could help ease your mind. Some say the prom is the new wedding, since people are getting married later. Okay. . . the average wedding is now $20,000 and many couples either start, or go further into debt. So, maybe in that since, the prom is the new wedding.

Full disclosure. I didn’t go to my prom. I wasn’t dating anyone, and saw the prom as something for those in serious relationships. Yet, I thought those in serious relationships were nuts to spend tons of money playing let’s dress up and pretend, and be part of the stories flying around school the following week.

Instead of prom, four of us—two guys and two girls —all friends, went bowling. None of us were bowlers, but we wanted to go out and have fun. We had a blast.

If you’re a parent of a teen who will be prom age next year. Start talking now. Start talking about values, money, and choices. To put a $500 dress on layaway while some of it goes on credit card, some paid off by check, and some by family pitching in, is mind boggling to me. Is a $500 dress worth it? That’s just the dress. Do you really need a limo? $800 shoes? (I heard a guy bought them.)

$1,139 could be a month or two of rent; a semester of books; an Alaskan cruise or a flight overseas; a down payment for a car — or, yes, one high school event called the prom.